Letter to my Parents

I guess the first thing I should say is thank you. I wouldn't be where I am today without you, and I appreciate you always doing your best to help me get ahead and do well in life. I have mixed feelings about the whole twin thing, but I try to remember you didn't choose that, so I won't complain. It's been an interesting almost-18 years, but I hope you won't be too offended that I plan to visit as little as possible after I move out. I think it'll be healthy for me to get away and spend some time just doing what I want. And I mean that in the responsible way; I'm just tired of being told what to do and when. I'll be around for holidays, though, so it's not so bad. I'll bring souvenirs or something :)

Frankl-y Speaking

This novel made me reflect on my own experiences a lot more. I'm very aware that I don't really know what I'm doing with my life, but some aspects of this book made me realize specific things I've never considered before.

In "Experiences in a Concentration Camp," Frankl mentions a quote he read that stated, "Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it." This stood out to me because I can kind of relate to it. It's no secret that I didn't want to transfer to WY in seventh grade, but my parents gave me no choice. Every second I was at school was torture for a long time and I forgot how to be happy. Looking back, I think the fact that I was mad made me suffer. Once I matured a bit and could understand why going to this school would ultimately be good for me, I could comprehend the different aspects of my situation and that not everything had to be felt the same way. I don't think I've ever really given it much thought until reading this book. Being aware of a particular situation and how you react to it can determine how you feel in general and live your life.

Thankful for a Classmate

I am thankful for Nambi Williams. She's the first person I remember liking at ackie orientation five years ago, and, though I wasn't very nice to her for the first couple years, she kept being my friend anyway. So she's great and I'm glad I figured out how to appreciate her before she gave up on me. We're very different people, but I think that ended up being a good thing because it gives us more to talk/argue about. Thanks, Nam.

Into the Wild-Alone

From what I've seen of Into the Wild, I really like it. I missed a lot of school last week, so it isn't much, but this is going off what I do know so far. Chris seems like a weird guy, but in a way I can appreciate. I can relate to him because I also don't see our society how most do, and, though I wouldn't be so extreme as to leave everything behind and go live in the wild, but I definitely wish to get away from this. Siddhartha is strange to me because he spent so much time going between different societies and mentors in his search for enlightenment. His missed out on years of potentially reaching that goal because he was so focused on getting someone to help him get there. If he had spent more time with a smaller group or alone, I think he would have figured it out much sooner.

I think it's important to spend time alone. Maybe its because big groups of people make me kind of nervous, but I just don't think its necessary.

We Still Haven't Figured This Out Yet

There's so much that I personally don't know, that I often forget that most people don't know most things. In general, people are oblivious to the world around them and how it works. So, I'll discuss something that I don't think anyone has an explanation for and kind of pains me to think about too hard. 

When I was 3, I decided I was going to be a doctor. For the next 9 years, I told everyone this and spent a lot of time researching neurodegenerative diseases like Parkinsons. Why, though? I look back at the idea of being a doctor and cringe because it goes against so much of that I believe now. I would hate having to study and spend so many years after undergrad still in school. I understand that people change as they grow up; most students my age will end up majoring in something they never planned on in a few years. But what determines passion? What about a person want to give themselves entirely to something?

Now I want to be a writer, which is generally less logical in the eyes of most people. They get very inconsistent pay and make much less than any doctor, on average. But that's what I want to do with my life. Some people love the idea of teaching, or playing professional sports, or saving lives, and here I am: just wanting to sit around and write stories all day. It's crazy to me. I wish there was an explanation for why people settle into different careers based on what they care deeply for. We haven't figured out where passion comes from and I don't think we ever will.

How do I know what I know?

I think knowledge comes from what we're told our whole lives or have experienced first hand. I know it's cold in Antarctica, though I've never been. I know that it hurts to have your appendix bursts, but it's never happened to me. We know what we are taught, mostly. The other factor is observation. When I burned myself on an iron when I was about two, I learned that irons are hot and heat hurts. I know what pain is because I've experienced it. Outside of experience and what you're told, its impossible to know anything else.

People like to say they know things about the afterlife, things about the world scientists can't explain, etc. To me, that isn't knowledge. I have many beliefs, but I wouldn't dare claim to "know" the meaning of life or anything about the future or most things for that matter. I think it's hard to be sure of anything, really, so people should be careful throwing around the phrase, "I know..."

The Garden State

I interpreted the Garden State as a settlement for a decent existence. Maybe it's my issues with the idea of literal farming, but I just don't think this would be a happy existence. I don't mean I have a problem with working, but having the same role to complete forever would get old pretty quick.

My grandma's back yard has a serious weed problem, so my aunt used to get my sister and I to help her pull them up several times a summer. That was cool until I was about 15, when I got tired of it. To me, there's no point in doing something over and over. Gardens have to be taken care of consistently and I just don't see a future in doing the same thing forever.

Perhaps if I had gone through what Candide and his friends have experienced, I could see the garden state as a good thing. Having lived in the same neighborhood and city my whole life, I can't imagine settling down to one place and responsibility. I want to see the world, work a couple bad jobs, find a great job I love, sleep for days without interruption, and a whole lot more. So I don't think the garden state just would work out for me.