We Still Haven't Figured This Out Yet

There's so much that I personally don't know, that I often forget that most people don't know most things. In general, people are oblivious to the world around them and how it works. So, I'll discuss something that I don't think anyone has an explanation for and kind of pains me to think about too hard. 

When I was 3, I decided I was going to be a doctor. For the next 9 years, I told everyone this and spent a lot of time researching neurodegenerative diseases like Parkinsons. Why, though? I look back at the idea of being a doctor and cringe because it goes against so much of that I believe now. I would hate having to study and spend so many years after undergrad still in school. I understand that people change as they grow up; most students my age will end up majoring in something they never planned on in a few years. But what determines passion? What about a person want to give themselves entirely to something?

Now I want to be a writer, which is generally less logical in the eyes of most people. They get very inconsistent pay and make much less than any doctor, on average. But that's what I want to do with my life. Some people love the idea of teaching, or playing professional sports, or saving lives, and here I am: just wanting to sit around and write stories all day. It's crazy to me. I wish there was an explanation for why people settle into different careers based on what they care deeply for. We haven't figured out where passion comes from and I don't think we ever will.

How do I know what I know?

I think knowledge comes from what we're told our whole lives or have experienced first hand. I know it's cold in Antarctica, though I've never been. I know that it hurts to have your appendix bursts, but it's never happened to me. We know what we are taught, mostly. The other factor is observation. When I burned myself on an iron when I was about two, I learned that irons are hot and heat hurts. I know what pain is because I've experienced it. Outside of experience and what you're told, its impossible to know anything else.

People like to say they know things about the afterlife, things about the world scientists can't explain, etc. To me, that isn't knowledge. I have many beliefs, but I wouldn't dare claim to "know" the meaning of life or anything about the future or most things for that matter. I think it's hard to be sure of anything, really, so people should be careful throwing around the phrase, "I know..."

The Garden State

I interpreted the Garden State as a settlement for a decent existence. Maybe it's my issues with the idea of literal farming, but I just don't think this would be a happy existence. I don't mean I have a problem with working, but having the same role to complete forever would get old pretty quick.

My grandma's back yard has a serious weed problem, so my aunt used to get my sister and I to help her pull them up several times a summer. That was cool until I was about 15, when I got tired of it. To me, there's no point in doing something over and over. Gardens have to be taken care of consistently and I just don't see a future in doing the same thing forever.

Perhaps if I had gone through what Candide and his friends have experienced, I could see the garden state as a good thing. Having lived in the same neighborhood and city my whole life, I can't imagine settling down to one place and responsibility. I want to see the world, work a couple bad jobs, find a great job I love, sleep for days without interruption, and a whole lot more. So I don't think the garden state just would work out for me.